MOTHERS!! GOTTA LOVE ‘EM

By Ruth A. Sheets

Mother’s Day is coming up and a lot of commercial attention is focused on mothers.  All sorts of gifts are proposed as tokens we sons, daughters, offspring of mothers can present to our mothers in appreciation for their role in our lives.  And, mothers dutifully tell us “Ah you didn’t have to do that.”  Maybe we didn’t have to, but we want to.  

Gifts plus words of gratitude are well-deserved for mothers having given birth to us or having chosen to bring us into their family.  Mothers often have the primary responsibility for the children:  preparing food, doing laundry, seeing that they are at school every day, helping with homework, remembering birthdays and holidays, keeping children as neat and clean as the children will permit, disinfecting scraped knees, keeping track of time online, at least occasional cleaning of kids’ rooms, attending parent-teacher conferences, and more.  That’s practically a full-time job and often on top of a paid job.

Every mom approaches the challenges of parenthood with their own style, worldview, and moral principles.  Some highly value education, so try to instill that value in the children.  Some mothers are animal people, so want their children to have a pet to care for (often ending up caring for the  pet herself).  Some mothers are helicopter parents who monitor every single thing their children do and stand up for them even on the job.  Other mothers believe in independence and encourage their children to take some risks and learn about the world with only a little motherly interference.  Some mothers are crafty and make all kinds of things for their children while others find crafts and handwork tedious and prefer to purchase or scrounge whatever their children need.  Some mothers are patient beyond comprehension, while others yell a lot to get things done.  In short, mothers are as diverse as human beings can be.  Mothers want success for their children and that success is interpreted in many different ways. 

Mothers are and have been everywhere in the world, but their role has seldom been described prior to modern times.  I suspect that absence in a lot of the historical records is because what women did was so basic and was done all the time, it was rarely noticed.  Or maybe, since most of the recorders of history were men, they had no idea what mothers or any other women did, particularly when men were not at home.  

It was easy for men to not see women’s work as in any way significant because men saw women as bodies that through male action, produced babies and hands that did work men needed done.  Common images of the female life cycle included the maiden, the mother, and the crone.  The maiden was a pure girl just awaiting her turn to be a mother (the true role of womankind).  The crone, the post-child-bearing woman, supposedly mourned the loss of her ability to bear more children, but had some wisdom to impart, that is if she were not accused of witchcraft or some other crime. 

I believe motherhood is one of the greatest roles any human being can have.  And, that anyone of child-bearing age has the right to decide whether or not to be a mother.  We can do that now in ways women couldn’t in the past without risk.  We understand how babies are made and how to stop making one if a potential mother is not prepared.  No child should be carrying and giving birth to a child, anywhere.  If a woman chooses motherhood, the whole society should be supporting her in that choice and throughout her offspring’s childhood.

I am grateful I live in an age when I could choose not to be a mother.  For a variety of reasons motherhood would not have worked for me or any child I would have had.  I was lucky I did not get hit with the peer pressure to produce a baby or a mother pleading for grandchildren.  Other women (and girls) have not been so lucky.

It is possible to identify which cultures value mothers and women in general.  In those societies, women hold positions in nearly every place in society.  Accommodations are made, through law, for pregnant women and mothers.  Men in general are not terrified that women will “take over” and render them impotent.  Ours is not one of those societies.

In America, We the People have permitted old mostly white men to determine who will be a mother, or rather, who must be a mother.  Not many corporations and businesses of any size accommodate mothers with child care, maternal and paternal leave, sick leave, or anything else.  Men and a few of their female surrogates are working to stop access to birth control too.  There is no logical reason, so one must understand it as being about power, male power over females (and everyone else who is not white and male.  Why are we permitting this?

I think it has a lot to do with a greater awareness of what mothers do and can accomplish.  That seems to scare men.  Mothers often seamlessly move from task to task, seeing that the children are up, have breakfast, are off to school or even dropped off by Mom on her way to work.  She makes sure they are supervised if her job hours are longer than school hours, comes home, prepares dinner, watches over evening activities like homework, TV and/or online time, and bedtime, sometimes with Dad’s help, but often not.   On days off from her “real” job, she shops, cleans the house, does laundry (OK, sometimes she does that at night after the kids are asleep unless she needs to take it to the laundromat).  Mom is expected to attend parent-teacher conferences, take the kids to the library, sports events, dance or music classes, make sure they are getting all the services they are entitled to related to their health and education, and so on, while also being an outstanding employee. 

This is not a plug for women to do more, to be super-women.  It is a reason we need to do some serious honoring of mothers this Mother’s Day and planning for how we as a nation can support mothers more effectively. 

Each mom has her special skills that touch and enhance the lives of her family.  One thing all mothers have in common is their love for their children.  Sometimes poverty, war, massive stress, addiction, and other factors intervene, keeping mothers from being the loving parents they want to be, but love is what they intend.

Maybe that is the most important gift a mother can give her children, love.  Love can make parental mistakes less problematic.  Love can let a child who for some reason does not “fit in,” have a safe place to be, a safe person to lean on.  Mother-love can support a child through tough times:  sickness, fear, loss of a friend or family member. 

This Mother’s Day, we each should take some time to think about the mother who raised us, the kind of person she is or was, and what we learned from her about life and how to live it well, with integrity.  She had flaws, of course, but she taught us things that made life possible.  What we did or do with that  learning is up to us.  God bless our mothers.  Happy Mother’s Day!