FOR THE LOVE OF CHILDREN

By Ruth A. Sheets

For decades, I have heard people say “children are our greatest resource” or “Children are our greatest treasure” or “Our children are our legacy.”  Statements like these or ones like them often seem to flow from the mouths of people whose actions don’t seem to match their words, making it appear they don’t really value children very highly.  Are the speakers lying?  I suspect sometimes they are deliberately lying or misleading others.  However, I also think many believe they are telling the truth, do believe they love children, but are rarely challenged on their statement-action mismatch.

What does the love of children look like today in our modern world?  Obviously that depends on who is being asked, but for many children, it is not looking too good.  I suspect there are some basic things every person could or should agree upon as critical elements of life for every child, not only for one’s own.

These are a few I think are a good start.

1. Loved children are wanted and have adults who care for them providing for basic needs as well as all the love and care needed for the child/children to survive.  This includes appropriate food, clothing, shelter, communication, medical care, etc.
2. Loved children are respected and supported for who they are and not forced to be like their parents, siblings, friends, or anyone else.  They are given the right amount of attention for their age and level of development. 
3. Loved children are taught to think of others, not just themselves and their wants.  They are taught manners that help them function in society when around other people and personal integrity is regularly modeled for them.
4. Education is critical for loved children, education that includes their story as well as the stories of others.  The education should be broad and exploratory as much as possible, taught by strong, well-trained teachers in well-maintained and resourced settings as well as in their homes by caring informed parents.
5. Positive moral, social-emotional education is part of the child’s upbringing at all levels. 
6. Loved children are not abused, hit, beaten, starved, imprisoned, tried as adults, left homeless or abandoned.
7. Efforts are made for loved children to discover their gifts and talents and intentionally develop them.
8. Positive critique is owed loved children and negative criticism should be specific, appropriate,  and infrequent.
9. Loved children are seen and heard and appreciated.

After reading this list, one might think it is impossible for parents and teachers to do all these things with and for children.  That is true.  Perfection is not possible, but children don’t need perfection, they need love and the knowledge that they are valued and worthy of parents’ and society’s best efforts on their behalf.  And that’s the other element in the process, community, society.  We the People have a joint responsibility to see that to the best of our ability, we provide for the children of our society and help provide for the children of the world. 

We know parents and teachers can’t do the work by themselves, but both should be given the resources they can’t themselves provide, like funds for decent housing, food, clothing, shelter, transportation, medical care, and the rest.  Children and teachers also need a school building that is not infested with animals and mold that don’t belong there for health reasons.  They need curricula and books of all kinds where children can see people like themselves and a wide range of others represented. 

A significant percentage of our society has decided they can force women to give birth whether they want to, are financially capable, or are sufficiently healthy  to have a child.  They have fetishized fetuses and claim the needs of children when they are born are the total responsibility of the parents no matter their health or economic status.  In fact, they don’t actually care about the woman while pregnant with the “precious” fetus, just that she must give birth to it.  They care nothing for the mother after the birth happens either, unless, of course it is they or someone they care about who is involved.  Despite their “love” language, it seems there is little or nothing behind the talk.  Maybe they can bestow that “love” on their own children, but have nothing left over for anyone else’s child.  That would mean only my child deserves my love.  Those other kids can get the love of their parents and if they have enough love, it won’t matter that they have no home, no food, no appropriate clothing, no heat, no funds, inferior schools. 

What happens when those forced-birth children begin to grow up and despite their parents’ love, don’t have the resources they need and develop chronic illnesses, but have no money to cover the medical costs?  Are they to just suffer and die?  Do the conservatives who control most of our state legislatures even care?  My answer is “naturally, they don’t.”  I do wish they would prove me wrong about this. 

I am not a parent, so I don’t have the direct knowledge of the day to day struggles of parents, trying to do their best for their children, often on a very limited budget.  I do have extensive experience with children, though.  I began babysitting from age 8 (parents can’t leave kids with 8-year-old babysitters anymore, but I was a good one, only sticking my little sister with a diaper pin once).  I was a nanny for 2 years and volunteered in a kindergarten during college breaks and when unemployed.  I have marvelous nieces and nephews whom I care deeply for.  Then, there are my students.  For 26 years I taught the most amazing children and young adults, grades kindergarten through 12.  My experiences taught me the value, challenge, joy, and wonder of children. 

I learned that at various times in the past, up to 50% of children died before reaching age 5.  That was due to diseases, terrible living conditions, lack of food, racism, neglect, and other factors.  There are people who want to take this country (not themselves) back to those times.   That is simply insane when we have terrific medical procedures available so we don’t have to lose the lives of mothers and children in pregnancy and birth.  Girls and women don’t have to carry the fetus of their rapist or incestor now, but many white men and some women in power want them to, even 10-year-olds!  Where is the love?  I am just not feeling it, probably because it isn’t there.  It is easy to say “I just love children so much.”  It is much harder to show it.  

We need to elect more people to office who actually do care about children, who don’t assume every challenge a child has is due to parents’ behavior or neglect.  Leaders need to believe women should have the right to bodily autonomy without state interference, and want all children to succeed, not just the rich white ones.  Such candidates would stand for

Excellent, well-maintained  schools with curricula based on critical thinking, problem-solving, and exploration rather than test scores.

• Families that have a place to live, good food to eat, clothing appropriate to the season and situation, books of all kinds to read and extra help if that reading does not come easily,
• Opportunities for good jobs that pay well for parents as well as for the young people as they come of age. 
• Guns should be taken off the streets because guns are the primary cause of death for children in this country. 
• Positive stories about children should regularly be in the media. 
• Regular voluntary classes should be offered for parents on various topics related to parenting with no stigma attached to parents who choose to attend.

• There is a lot we could do and not all of it extremely expensive.  Some will be costly:  housing for families, money for food, clothing, and utilities.  We could take about 10% of the current Pentagon budget to help with those programs.  The Pentagon can’t even account for what it spends now and would never miss it. 

In short, how much do we love our children.  The answer to that will  come down to how much we are willing to support families with children and stay out of women’s decisions about family planning.  Fathers, and men in general can stand up for women’s right to make her own reproductive decisions as men already have the right to make their own.  It’s time we actually prove we love children, all of them, not just our own or ones like us.  If we say we love children, our actions on behalf of children must match our words.