by Ruth A. Sheets
On NPR's "Morning Edition," Friday, May 6th, a story was broadcast about the Boy Scouts sexual abuse cases being settled with a significant amount of money to be spread out among survivors. One of the victims of rape (when he was 12), reported how horrific the experience had been. The other boy raped the same night on a camping event was so traumatized he drank himself to death by age 18. The survivor being interviewed told of his life being tormented by the experience. He is now 70 years old.
I suspect some folks listening to this story got a flashback to Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barret's comment in the December 2021 hearing of the case to overturn Rowe v. Wade. When asked about a female victim of rape carrying a child to birth, she flippantly said that every state had a way to drop off a baby "no questions asked." At the time I was furious at her lack of empathy and compassion, , a female member of the Court, dismissing the trauma of rape. Having heard the report on NPR that morning, I find I am still furious at her insensitivity.
Rape is traumatizing even for males and the courts are finally paying some attention. People used to joke about what would happen to men when they went to prison, implying they would be raped by other incarcerated persons and somehow they would deserve it, an OK punishment for whatever crime they were accused of, "ha ha." It made me sick to hear the laughter because I understood that prison in itself is an experience that impacts every aspect of life during and after, and if rape had occurred too, the victim's life would be scarred by it, just as the former Boy Scouts' lives had been. Neither experience is good for society.
Men are finally being permitted to talk about their rape at the hands of Boy Scout leaders and clergy. They are winning court cases as they bring into the light child abuse that should never have happened, but which was passively permitted for generations. Men sometimes are challenged these days as to whether "it" happened as they remember, but because reports are so widespread, they are impossible to dismiss. Besides, men don't deserve rape.
Women have had a very different experience. Women, if they report the rape at all, are very often doubted. They are told "he thought you consented," essentially calling the woman a liar. We've all heard "when she dresses like that or walks alone, what did she expect!" And, younger women often did not realize that what was done to them was rape. A possible side effect of rape of a woman is pregnancy. If a raped woman becomes pregnant (and yes, Republicans, it does happen), she can have the double trauma of the rape and the unwanted pregnancy, possibly resulting in a live birth. Justice Barrett implies the raped woman (or child) can just raise the child or "drop it off." Her narrow experience of the world can't allow for abortion, a safe way to begin healing. Why is that? What happened to Justice Barrett that she feels nothing for the rape victim, only for the fetus?
Men get to be traumatized for life by rape. Women get to be traumatized for life, but in public, over and over while dragged through court telling and retelling their nightmare and are informed by mostly men that the fetus resulting from rape has more rights than the woman/child. And men get to codify that in law. One thing to keep in mind, sex of any kind between a child and an adult in this country is still rape, as is forced sexual contact with a person of any age. Refusing abortion to a victim of rape is a compounding of the crime.
I see rape here as symbolic of the many ways women are treated in law and society, dismissed as children, unable to understand what really happened to us, not allowed to make decisions for ourselves or without men. It's disgusting and needs to be stopped! I want to be clear that I believe abortion should always be safe, legal, and easily accessible and that men should not be involved in a decision to keep a pregnancy unless the woman chooses to include him. Donating sperm, no matter how it happens should not ever give a man power over a woman. Once that is established, we can tackle the other anti-woman functions of our culture.
Women are trained to believe, from birth that males are superior. I remember in school being told boys are better in math and science (you know, the elite subjects) because their brains are made that way. And, just in case it didn't prove true, boys were steered into science and math courses, catered to in those classes, and usually got the best grades whether or not they deserved them. We all knew boys were getting advantages, I mean, the girls knew. Such extra attention can really build a lot of confidence, being told you are good at something. If the male brain thing were true, it would be very difficult for even women's schools and colleges to graduate, as they regularly do, women who are leaders in fields of guess what, science and math.
Throughout history, girls in many families were prepped for marriage from before they even entered puberty, constantly reminded that they've gotta have a man. The corollary of this is "I'm waiting for grandchildren, and you'd better give them to me!" At the same time, girls (not boys) are supposed to be pure. If a girl becomes pregnant, unmarried, she is a slut. And to shame her for life, for this result of sex with a male, she must carry the fetus to term, give birth, and figure out how to raise or give up the now-born baby, even if she's a child. Back in the "dark ages" forced marriages used to be conducted to "protect" the raped girl's reputation whether she wanted it or not. The boy/man, "he was just such a good person for agreeing to marry her" blah blah blah! Few people asked why they wanted their daughter married off to a rapist. Oh wait! It still happens in some cultures today! That is a crime against womanity.
This is the 21st century. We know how to safely keep women and children from staying pregnant. We can't guarantee no man will rape a woman or child. We can, though charge and convict the rapist and provide safe abortions. That is the very least people who claim to be "pro-life" should advocate for. Do they? Of course not! They are stuck. When people have been programmed to believe women can't be trusted with bodily autonomy, and that somehow the fetus is more worthy than the woman or girl, their moral compass and judgment are lost.
I do not diminish the suffering of men who have experienced rape. It must be as bad as they say it was. It needs to be understood that women's experience of rape is at least as horrific but with the added stress that she could become pregnant. In the current anti-woman atmosphere in this country, the victim can be condemned to carry the child of a rapist, and she should be OK with that, some kind of "god's will" nonsense.
Let's face it, forcing anyone to remain pregnant is abuse, forcing a child to stay pregnant is child abuse, pure and simple. I can see why anti-abortioners may be OK with it. They are often the same ones who are OK with hitting kids, leaving children in poverty, and keeping children from knowing about the diversity of people who inhabit their world. That does not mean the people of this country should go along with this manufactured second-class citizenship for women. The sad thing is how many women like Ms. Coney Barrett can't even imagine the challenges other women face. She is praised for having 7 kids, 5 of them not adopted, but she can't see past her privilege, massive advantages, and good healthcare to other women who may not have her advantages and her certainty that she has God's ear.
Another problem, anti-abortioners really don't care about abortion as much as they care about power. If they were so certain of the righteousness of their anti-abortion stance, they wouldn't have to pass so many laws to keep folks who don't agree with them from voting and from obtaining abortions. Persuasion would work just fine. This makes it clear to me and many others that abortion is truly a control issue. Control pregnancy and you control women. The "pro-life" words coming from the anti-abortion mouths are spoken to distract us all from the real issue, "keep women from power," and unfortunately, a whole lot of women are complicit.
Finally, it seems to me, some of the most outspoken supporters of abortion and women's bodily autonomy should be men who have experienced rape because they know how it feels to be controlled by another person and have no way to stop what is happening. As men, their protests may have more weight with white mostly male anti-abortion folks. Hey male survivors, we need to hear your voices in favor of the right of women to bodily autonomy and abortion.
Every human being should stand with women and men who have been raped because it is a sexual crime against humanity used by men to control and hurt others. Women who are pregnant from such an attack should have the right to choose what happens with that pregnancy. End of discussion!
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